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Terms of Use
General Statements
General Disclaimers
Privacy Statement
Information Collection and Retention
Jurisdiction and Enforcement
Please read these Terms Of Use carefully (or don't, we're not your mother, after all) before using this site. By using this site, you signify your agreement with these Terms Of Use. If you do not agree with any of the below Terms Of Use, do not use this site. Frank Productions reserves the right, at its sole discretion, to modify, alter or otherwise update these Terms Of Use at any time. By using this service after we have posted notice of such modifications, alterations or updates, you agree to be bound by the revised terms. Frank Productions retains the right to deny access to anyone who we believe has violated any of these Terms of Use.
You expressly agree that use of the Frank Productions site is at your sole risk. You (and not Frank Productions) assume the entire cost of all necessary servicing, repair or correction. You expressly agree that neither Frank Productions, nor its affiliated or related entities, nor any of their respective employees, or agents, nor any person or entity involved in the creation, production, and distribution of Frank Productions's web site are responsible or liable to any person or entity whatsoever for any loss, damage (whether actual, consequential, punitive or otherwise), injury, claim, liability or other cause of any kind or character whatsoever based upon or resulting from the use of this site or any other Frank Productions web site. By way of example, and without limiting the generality of the foregoing, Frank Productions and related persons and entities shall not be responsible or liable for any claim or damage arising from failure of performance, error, omission, interruption, deletion, defect, delay in operation, computer virus, theft, destruction, unauthorized access to or alteration of personal records, or the reliance upon or use of data, information, opinions or other materials appearing on this site. You expressly acknowledge and agree that Frank Productions is not liable or responsible for any defamatory, offensive or illegal conduct of other site visitors, their families, Italian uncles named Vitto, or third parties.
Frank Productions may someday get around to hosting a message board (also known as a bulletin board, chat room, forum, complete waste of time, or other public posting area ("Forum"). The information and opinions expressed in any bulletin board, chat room, or other Forum is not necessarily those of Frank Productions, other ducks, or involved humans. Frank Productions makes no representations or warranties regarding information or opinions that appear in a Forum, and does not endorse or guarantee the accuracy of any posting. Frank Productions assumes no obligation to monitor a Forum or to delete or edit any postings. However, Frank Productions reserves the right to delete, move, or edit any postings that we consider illegal, inappropriate, say anything good about Kansas, or otherwise naughty or overly silly.
By using Frank Productions's web site, you agree that you will not submit or otherwise publish through a Forum any content which: (a) libels, defames, invades privacy, or is obscene, pornographic, abusive, or threatening; (b) infringes any intellectual property or other right of any entity or person, including, but not limited to violating anyone's copyrights or trademarks; (c) violates any law; (d) advocates illegal activity; or (e) advertises or otherwise solicits funds or is a solicitation for goods or services.
You agree to indemnify Frank Productions and its officers, ducks, directors, dolphins, employees, pigs, agents, teddy bears, distributors and affiliates from and against any and all third party claims, demands, liabilities, costs, or expenses, including reasonable attorney's fees, resulting from your breach of any of the foregoing agreements, representations, and warranties.
The Frank web site was designed to inform and familiarize you with me, my trips and travels, my observations and idle ramblings about nothing in particular, and those affiliated with my trips and travels. The site is maintained as a service to Internet users and non-internet-using ducks alike, and is intended to be for general reference purposes only.
All information is provided on an "as-is" and "as-available" basis, without guarantee or warranty of any kind, and the staff of Frank Productions expressly disclaim all warranties of any kind (including but not limited to, any warranties with respect to the accuracy of any information on this site, warranties for cheap electronics you bought at the thrift store, and warranties that claim to be guarantees), whether express or implied, including, without limitation, the implied warranties of merchantability, fitness for a particular purpose and non-infringement. No advice or information obtained from this web site is intended to constitute or create a warranty, or is even remotely guaranteed to be accurate. It all sort of makes you wonder if it's all worth it, doesn't it?
The best source for current and complete information on ducks, their trips and travels, observations, migratory and nesting habits is through your local library or Audubon society. Please contact your reference librarian with any questions regarding your duck queries, and to verify the information on this web site. You could also proceed to the local duck pond and talk to a duck directly, but if so, be sure to bring bread crumbs. After all, ducks like bread crumbs, and you're going to look like an old schmuck out there, by yourself, talking to the ducks. They may as well get something to eat out of the deal.
This web site and the information and material provided at this web site are not intended to, nor do they, constitute an offer or solicitation for duck-related facts, figures, travel costs or feather counts, and should not be construed as such. Offers to provide such information isn't going to happen, ever. Some jurisdictions require prior registration or other advance qualification for using duck-related sites in order to secure such site use in that jurisdiction. Responses to free stuff requests or informational inquiries in such jurisdictions may be prohibited or limited. Void where prohibited by law. Frank Coupons have a cash value of 1/20¢, if that, but you try to cut a penny into 20 equal parts. Web site has no cash value, no socially redeeming function, no actual or virtual assets, and absolutely no purpose at all beyond merely existing. To learn more about the places described on this web site, please contact your local travel agent. To learn more about the internet, and Al Gore's role in its creation, try searching Yahoo.
Although efforts are made to keep the information on this web site current, updated and complete, constant changes and technological limitations may result in inaccuracies. Actual efforts vary, but are generally very minimal. Frank Productions cannot ensure that the information on this web site is updated, completely accurate, or even remotely accurate; most ducks just aren't well adapted for typing by touch using their wings. The ducks, porpoises, lions, and humans associated with this site have no duty to update the information on this web site and it is important that you consult with your community newspaper editor for current, up to date information. In addition, please note that:
• All places shown on this web site existed when we were there. Updates with respect to current population and other facts must be obtained through the U.S. Census Bureau. Natural disasters, acts of God, dog, or local militia may affect the current existence of places, as well as causing places to now exist in places they weren't previously placed.
• Every effort has been made to accurately document visit facts and dates, however, this information is subject to change as memories fade or are reconstructed. Sometimes we're totally just making crap up in its entirety, and there's not much else you can do about it, except trust us to do the thing... to do the right thing. Yes, that's it.
• All distances and travel times set forth on this web site are approximations only. Actual travel times and distances may vary significantly depending on routes taken, time of day traveled and future development in areas of travel. All distances are measured in U.S. miles, except where noted otherwise. All noted time are based on the use of digital and analog clocks, sun dials, and a general, "I reckon it's about noon" mentality.
• Maps, charts, duck flight patterns, included feathers, interior and exterior details, and everything else, is subject to change without notice. Frank Productions isn't National Geographic, we don't make maps for a living, and the ones we hijack from the web tend to be small, grainy, or just bogus. You get what you pay for.
• There may be, and likely are numerous, technical, typographical or other errors or omissions on this web site for which Frank Productions does not accept any responsibility or liability, and to which Frank Productions will not be bound. Spell-checking is for chumps, much like running, reading instruction manuals, and having to take your cousin to prom because you're too insecure with yourself to ask out that hottie you've been checking out during history class for the last five months.
• Frank and his staff assume no responsibility or liability for anything that happens as a result of actions or inaction that might be taken based on information obtained from this web site, including any damage or loss related to the accuracy, completeness or timeliness of any information or graphic representation contained on this site. Without limiting the generality of the foregoing, Frank Productions shall not be liable for any special, indirect, incidental or consequential damages of any kind or nature whatsoever arising out of or related to the use of this web site or the information contained herein, whether based on contract, tort, strict liability or otherwise, even if Frank Productions and/or its subsidiaries and affiliates have been advised of the possibility of damages. Heck, we're not even responsible if we tell you to do something, give you a map, a deadline, a plane ticket and a boot to the ass. After all, you could have just run away, or balled into a fetal position, cried hysterically, and wet yourself.
• Access and use of this web site is subject to all applicable laws regulating the use of the Internet and those relating to the use of information. The use of this web site is also subject to all applicable laws involving copyrighted materials and intellectual property. Frank Productions reserves the right to revise the terms and conditions for access to its web site from time to time in its sole discretion. Changes may be periodically made to the information in this web site. Frank Productions further reserves the right to refer to this dreck we post as "intellectual property."
• Material on this web site or any web site owned or controlled by Frank Productions is solely for your personal, non-commercial use. Such material may not be copied, duplicated, borrowed, reproduced, republished, uploaded, downloaded, sideloaded, front-loaded (using a Bobcat tractor or other device), reloaded, posted, transmitted, or distributed in any way, including by e-mail or other electronic means. Without the prior written consent of Frank Productions, modification of the materials, use of the materials on any other web site or networked computer environment, or use of the materials for any purpose other than personal, non-commercial use is a violation of the copyrights, trademarks, and other proprietary rights, and is prohibited and punishable by law. You will also be blacklisted from getting any free FrankStuff.
• Renderings, renditions, illustrations, plans and elevations are duck's concepts and depictions only and: (a) may differ from reality; (b) may not be to scale; and (c) may contain actual features and neat stuff not represented in the description found on this site. Frank Productions reserve the right to make changes to descriptions, stories and tales, specifications, and perceived reality without prior notice. Frank Productions makes no representation or guarantee regarding the current, future, or historical quality of the information on this web site. Your views in locations I have visited may vary, depending on weather conditions, if you have one or both eyes open, and are looking in the same direction. Views represented on this site are indicative of a duck who stands 10-inches tall (about 25 centimeters); to experience a similar view, Frank Productions suggests you squat down to the 10-inch height (or lay on your tummy) and then look around, to experience a similar perspective. Current views may be affected by future development. Frank Productions, as you'd expect, does not guarantee the preservation of any view or the natural environment surrounding in the communities Frank has visited.
• No ducks, geese, penguins, flightless and airborne fowl, dogs, cats, rabbits, hamster, ferrets (even though illegal in California), goats, horses, pigs, llamas, pandas, other animals, humans (encompassing those who are free, liberated, enslaved, or imprisoned) or minerals were harmed in the production of this site. (Admittedly, a badger was slightly frightened when we were visiting Alaska, but Wendell is on the mend, and with continued therapy, love and affection, he is expected to make a full recovery.)
Frank Productions encourages and supports affirmative advertising and marketing programs in which there are no barriers to obtaining duck travel information because of race, color, religion, gender, handicap, familial status, or national origin. The laws and regulations of certain jurisdictions may add prohibitions against discrimination based on age, parental status, sexual orientation, political ideology, financial status, and the like. Therefore, please contact your local government for additional information.
Photos, descriptions and discussions of surrounding areas of Frank visits, the zoning and/or land use of the properties surrounding those communities, open space and community amenities (shopping, parks, schools, transportation, etc.) -- both existing and planned -- are informational only, are subject to change based on the whims of the people who live there. Frank Productions cannot control future actions and decisions by government and private bodies, local crackpots and tree-hugging hippies, and all applicable governmental and private bodies should be consulted for accurate, up to date information. (Hippies and crackpots will likely give you incorrect, outdated, and erroneous data, so refer to them at your own risk.)
This web site, and all materials contained herein, including, but not limited to, travel details, photos, illustrated graphics, text, video, audio, and all programming and code, is protected by copyright laws and may not be distributed, modified, or reproduced in whole or in part without the prior written permission of Frank Productions. The posting of information or materials on this web site does not constitute a waiver of any right in such information and materials.
This web site may contain links to other web sites -- dude, that's what the 'net is all about, duh. Inclusion of any linked web site on this web site does not imply approval or endorsement of the linked web site by Frank Productions. Frank Productions has not reviewed the Internet sites linked to this web site, and are not responsible for the content of any off-site pages or any other sites linked to this site. This is because (a) we're lazy, and (b) you choosing to click on links referencing off-site pages or other sites is at your own peril.
Frank Productions invites, heck, we dare you, to create links to this site. You may post link(s) to this site, provided that those links do not state or imply any sponsorship or endorsement of your site by Frank Productions. You may not use on your site any trademarks, logos, pretty graphics or other stuff appearing on the Frank Productions site, including but not limited to any ducks or other fowl, without the express written consent of Frank Productions. You may not frame or otherwise incorporate into another web site any of the content or other materials on the Frank Productions site without prior written consent.
Frank Productions reserves the right to change ANY specifications, materials, terms, features, links, stories, maps, or free stuff shown on this web site without prior notice. Please note that variations in site design, format, font size and color, and content may exist and overall quality is approximate and subject to degradation over time. (It's not going to be subject to degradation as quickly as the expired milk in Tubby's refrigerator, but stuff gets old, even on the web... ever seen a 404 Page Not Found message? Exactly.)
If you've read this far, you're either very amused, or very bored. But in either case, I'm impressed -- pretty dedicated to a purpose, for a human. ;)
Any communication or material you transmit to this web site by electronic mail or otherwise, including any data, questions, comments, suggestions or the like is, and will be treated as, non-confidential and non-proprietary, for all time and through the universe, both discovered and beyond. Frank Productions is not keen on extra work, and likely will not re-post, publish, or otherwise announce you've sent us mail, signed a guest book, requested free stuff or offered to Date the Duck, but there's the most remote of possibilities it may be mentioned in passing, while discussing our days with loved ones or in message boards, or we're just totally shocked at how messed up you are, and then we'll post something.
Thus, it's not likely... again, the lazy / no-extra-work concept holds true. Of course, this is all within whatever else we promise to do to make sure we keep your identity secret, Batman. If we find your email amuses, challenges, or give us pause may be posted as part of My Mail Bag, however, we super-duper promise not to post your full name or the email address the mail was sent from, and we will review any content, before posting, to attempt to remove any personally identifying information in the body of the email -- but we won't promise insofar as setting a legal guarantee of removal of such identifying details.
By your standing in front of my camera at or in close relation to the time I pressed the button to take a photograph, you acknowledge that you have been reasonably aware that you may be photographed as a part of a web site production. Further, by your not running away from the camera, we logically presume you have granted your irrevocable permission for your likeness to be included on the web site without compensation and/or credit, and for such web site to be exploited in any and all media worldwide in perpetuity. If you do not, or did not, wish to be photographed or recorded by Frank Productions, you should have already run away.
Anything you transmit or post becomes the property of Frank Productions and may be used for any purpose, including, but not limited to, reproduction, disclosure, transmission, publication, broadcast and posting and could even be used for market research purposes, rumor mongering, and psychological testing.. but those last three aren't too likely. Anything you say can be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to speak with an attorney, and have your attorney present before any questioning, if you choose. You have the right to low-cost medical insurance; right extends only to our Canadian friends, however... you U.S. blokes are pretty much stuck. And even though I maintain I could post stuff, since Frank Productions owns anything and everything you submit from now until the end of time, I'm not likely going to anything with it. Once again, it's the lazy / no-extra-work notion.
Please review this statement from time to time as all terms and conditions are subject to change.
Information Collection and Retention
Frank Productions does not collect personal or identifiable information without your knowledge. The only information we gather is anything that is voluntarily provided to us, in one of these mediums:
- Visitors who sign the GuestMap. All information on the GuestMap is voluntary, and is not validated at time of entry. (In other words, we are not taking any steps to verify your name, email address, location, or comments... it's a free for all, so if you enter directions to your home address, that's beyond our control.)
- Visitors who request free FrankStuff. Name, address, city, state/providence/territory, ZIP or postal code, country, and email address are requested. All information on the free FrankStuff form is voluntary and is not validated at time of entry. (But, if you expect us to know where to mail stuff, you're going to give us enough information to get your stuff to wherever you want it shipped. General information about shipping dates and your request (order number, your first name, city and state, and date requested and shipped) are posted to the FrankStuff page, to allow visitors who have requested free FrankStuff to (sort of) track their order.
- Visitors who send email to Frank, or other members of Frank Productions, will have their email address transmitted with their message. Duh -- that's how email works.
- Visitors, preferably attractive female visitors, who respond via email to my Date the Duck offer, will have their email addresses sent directly to Frank. And little orphan Annie, you can get your bottom dollar Frank will not be sharing your email address with anyone, ever... he hates competition.
- Visitors to the site are recorded by our web hosting provider, using
Webalizer Version 2.01 and reviewed using NetTracker. In addition to
site-wide statistics about the top pages viewed, entry and exit pages,
search keywords that brought you here, and what web site or search engine
got you here, the logs also capture the following information about
your visit, for statistical purposes only:
- IP and/or host name of your computer
- Type of browser you're using (IE, Netscape, Opera, etc., and the browser version number)
- Totals of pages viewed and amount of data viewed (not the content, just the size, in Kilobytes, of data displayed on your screen, as the hosting provider charges a fee to Frank Productions for any really huge amounts of data sent out to be viewed)
The information provided as outlined above is not used for any other purposes. Frank Productions will not sell, rent, leave, give away, donate, share, write on bathroom walls, distribute, discuss, gossip about behind your back, post, or otherwise divulge your information to anyone, for any reason, or for any price. Unless, of course, the cops or the courts order us to disclose this information, by virtue of a search warrant, subpoena, or other lawful request. But let's face it, the information you provide on a site about Frank is hardly going to be going to the Supreme Court for constitutional or civil challenge.
Information submitted to the GuestMap is stored indefinitely, until either (a) the GuestMap server crashes, (b) the data is erased by accident or by request, or (c) some other freak of nature takes place... as a rule, except for reviewing GuestMap entries (which have been very rare lately, much to our frustration), nothing is done with this information, and it just sits out there.
Information submitted as part of a request for FrankStuff is stored until the order is shipped, and either filed away or deleted, depending on how efficient the FAST team is that week. None of this information is stored or transferred into a permanent storage and retrieval system, database, file cabinet, or anywhere else where it's likely going to be found, stumbled across, read, sold, rented, leased, given away, donated, shared, written on bathroom walls, distributed, discussed, gossiped about behind your back, posted, or otherwise divulged. So even if the cops or the courts tried to get at this information, odds are probably going to be really good that the information has already been deleted.
Frank Productions welcomes links to this site. You may establish a hypertext link to this site, provided that the link does not state or imply any sponsorship or endorsement of your site by Frank Productions. You may not use on your site any trademarks, service marks or copyrighted materials appearing on the Frank Productions site, including but not limited to any logos or characters, without the express written consent of the owner of the mark or right. You may not frame or otherwise incorporate into another web site any of the content or other materials on the Frank Productions site without prior written consent.
Unless otherwise specified, the materials in the Frank Productions web site is presented solely for the purpose of entertainment and promoting programs and other products available in the United States, its territories, possessions, and protectorates. This site is maintained by Frank Productions from its double-wide trailer within the State of California, United States of America. Frank Productions makes no representation that materials in this site is appropriate for viewing in other locations, although it's probably safe to view if the entire site is sealed in a sandwich baggie (probably). Those who choose to access this site from other locations do so on their own initiative and are responsible for compliance with local laws, if and to the extent local laws are applicable.
This agreement shall be governed by, construed and enforced in accordance with the laws of the State of California, as it is applied to agreements entered into and to be performed entirely within such State. Any action you, any third party or Frank Productions bring to enforce this agreement or, in connection with, any matters related to this site shall be brought only in either the state or Federal Courts located in Alameda County, California, and you expressly consent to the jurisdiction of said courts. If any provision of this agreement shall be unlawful, void, or for any reason unenforceable, then that provision shall be deemed severable from this agreement and shall not affect the validity and enforceability of any remaining provisions. This is the entire agreement between the parties relating to the matters contained herein and shall not be modified except in writing, signed by Frank Productions.